When's the last time you wore a hat? Or saw someone donning a topper? What kind of bean bag were they sporting? Chances are, it was a baseball cap, or required headwear of some sort, like a hard hat or helmet. Maybe, it was a yarmulke. Increasingly, the everyday hat, the fashion accessory, even the headresses of authority, are becoming a charming relic of old movies.

Club Velvet's King Kini

Not much longer, say culture watchers. After a colorful history dating back to the early 8th century, and for a time seemingly doomed to be donned only by Shriners driving tiny cars in parades, the Fez is making a quixotic and heady comeback. Yes, the classic Fez, the goofy cylindrical headpiece with the jaunty commencement tassle is surpassing even the fashionable fuzzy white poobah in popularity and popping up on top of celebs - even politicos - caught up in the craze. A fedora? BAH!

"The Fez is an elegant addition to any gent's wardrobe," says King Kini, the suave musical matador who reigns over the Club Velvet Cocktail Lounge in downtown Minneapolis. "Its appeal lies in the purity of its design. The way the curves follow the contour of the human head... a simple single tassle as decoration... beautiful." Kini, who refuses to reveal much of his past or his real name, is fast-becoming the doyenne of cocktail culture and also points out, "It's not the LENGTH of the tassle, it's HOW IT HANGS that counts." Recently highlighted in Esquire Magazine's feature on The Swank Lifeand in other publications, Kini's Club Velvet is the olive floating in a gin sea of mediocrity - a global mecca for the stylish. The eyes of the world are focused on this small weekly nightclub in the midwest, waiting for a signal, or a sign - a simple nod of King Kini's head - to start the next phase of human experience as this century comes to a close.

Señor Grande and fez

"That Kini is quite a character," says reknowned fashion designer Gianni Versace, "I'm not so sure of his musical taste, but he knows headwear and he's right about the fez. Barring an unforeseen catastrophe, I will be incorporating fezzes into ALL my future designs." Even high-fashion trend-setter Nike Inc. is hoping to have it's logo-laden Phat Phez^TM line available by Christmas 1998, although in the test market, confused consumers were heard commenting, "That's wack. Which is the front and which is the back?"

Among the unlikely heads already seen wearing the middle eastern headgear are Tom Brokaw, Brad Pitt, Billy Idol, Henry Kissinger, and Men in Black's Will Whatshisname.

--Reported by S. Gordon/Minneapolis
--Photography A.Haug, R.Bogusz

So you bought your box of cigars, you picked up a frosty martini set, now where to find a Fez? Well, the popular new hot travel spot is the headpiece's namesake in Morocco. Though becoming rare in its native land, the fez (or tarboosh) is still regarded as a symbol of quasi-regal authority. Normally worn with the long, dress-like djellaba (which have yet to make it in trend-filled clubs of Manhattan and San Francisco), Moroccan men cut dashing figures in the arched doorways and along the palm tree-lined, vaguely Parisian boulevards of Fez. For those looking for a real adventure, burrow into the ancient maze of Fez's medina, or shopping district. If you aren't crushed by a donkey carrying a load of garbage cans, you can slip into a tiny doorway and find yourself in a grand shop, fezzes of every color and quality piled to the ceiling like the children's book, "Bartholomew Cubbins." Though red is the preferred color, Italians and Spanish men have been spotted sporting cheetah and leopord skin fezzes and they can be made to order in some of the tonier shops in Fez and Marrakesh.

Can't pony up the expenses for the trip? Just page through your phone book for uniform or costume supply companies.

King Kini, however, won't reveal the source of his extensive collection of chic chapeaux. "That would take the mystery out of it," he sighs, leaning back atop his exotic alter at Club Velvet. "Let's just say it pays to have friends."